Listening to: Human - Krewella
Watching: Attack on Titan
Playing: World Of Warcraft
Drinking: Tea for the swore throat
Hey guys, been awhile since I made one of these.
But anyway this is not going to be your averaged happy Journal, couple months ago I was diagnosed with Depression and no I'm not posting this for attention it actually has token me awhile to grab the courage and start writing about this and I'm sadly to say it has messed up my willpower to draw or get ideas to do any art. And to that I am sorry to all who are actually looking forward into seeing my art work.
When I first found out that I had depression I thought to myself "Okay, why do I have it. I'm the most happiest person and I also have no reason to be this way." But then my therapist who gotten me to write a Journal for 5 months said to me "You might be the happiest person but deep down you know you are hurting inside and your just trying to hide it from everybody you know so they don't have to worry about you. And since you've been going it so long it's starting to take a big hit." then I noticed he was right, all I've been doing is hiding my feelings trying to keep everybody, all my friends and family happy and not to worry about me because I thought at the time I guess that would be to selfish of me to do that to everybody else, But in truth it would of saved me from getting depressed and having these horrible thoughts of "Why's and What if's."
At times I feel stupid for letting it get this bad, when I knew I could of stopped it from getting this bad but I guess I'm the selfish one here. And to that, I am deeply sorry, to my closest friend for being a selfish bitch and not thinking about you and how you would react to this. You made a Journal just like this and I cried to it because right then I noticed I failed on keeping you happy and now, I can tell you worry about me everyday and I didn't ever want you to worry about me. I'm sorry for putting on a fake smile, I'm sorry for faking being happy but to tell you the truth I don't think I'll be able to feel what it is like the be truly happy again. I'm am just so sorry for putting this on you, knowing you have problems of your own.
I'm just so so sorry for doing this to you. I love you. And I promise if I ever have even one thought of self-harming myself fiscally I will let you know so you are there to stop me.